Salome Did Arrive

Well, we did wait and wait and wait for our little Twinkle to come, and she did at last on June 24th. It was a very spiritually timed moment. Our little Twinkle did turn out to be the little girl that everyone somehow expected. Somehow at some point or other the community collectively shifted from gender neutral terms and began to call her by girl pronouns. We all just sort of knew. Everything was so different from Malcolm.

We also know that if we had a girl she would be named after her grandmother Salome who so wanted to see Geoffrey and I have children, but did not quite make it. Our Salome was born exactly seven years after her grandmother's death to the exact day. Labor began on the first full moon after the summer solstice also. Apparently, many women went into labor that night as well.

There is so much that I want to say about the birth, and I will continue to write about it I think in many forms for a while. I am so grateful for my doula, Erica, who was such a powerhouse, and arrived looking fierce and Oshun-like with a bright orange tie-dyed shirt and her short maroon Afro. It was also amazing to have my whole family-especially Malcolm present the whole time. Sometimes I watched them through my contractions as if they were doing some sort of dance, and seeing how they all interacted and took care of their various needs-without me mostly which seemed curious to me.

I had started taking blue and black cohosh (the homeopathic not herbal versions) a couple of days before labor started. I had also been trying lots of other things especially long walks, Chinese food, and pineapple. Then we went about doing things that we needed to do that day, Wednesday the 23rd, we ran and errands and went to the library and then to my midwife's appointment. The midwife said that my uterus was so ready for labor that if I had been having contractions she would admit me to the hospital right then. She moved my membranes around a bit, and then we went to lunch Grandma, Malcolm and I. Malcolm said that he wanted eggs, and I wanted protein so we went to Village Inn. Salome, the last meal I ate before having you was at Village Inn although I did have some homemade chicken noodle soup later. The midwife's appointment was at 2:30, by 5:30 I was in labor.

I labored a long time on the birth ball at home. I went on a walk with Nathaniel. I listened to Sweet Honey in the Rock and a classical guitar CD that Susan gave me, and took many deep breaths and waited. Soon it was time to call Erica and Geoffrey who was working a few blocks away. We went out for a long walk with as many inclines as possible and that was when I noticed the full moon. The night was very silent, except for the occasional passing train, and as we walked through our little park on the hottest night of the year so far, it felt like a little forest or a small town sitting quietly in the night. Erica and Geoffrey held me up when we had to stop for contractions but kept encouraging me to push myself so that labor did not stall because it had so many times before and we wanted to see this child!

We went back to the house. Erica did Nia dances with me both on and off the ball. Geoffrey and Erica took turns walking me up and down the stairs. Mom gave me some broth of the chicken soup she had made that day. There was more music.

Eventually, at around 11:30, it was time to go to the hospital and Nathaniel scooped up Malcolm who was sleeping in his room and loaded him into the car. Malcolm came to on the way to the birth center. He sat in the car silently watching the lights of the cars and the buildings we passed by. We asked him if he knew where we are going, and he whispered "the birth center." He was quiet for the first couple of hours at the hospital but he said that he loved our apartment which was the labor room which had our own bathroom, music player, couch and many other amenities to make us feel at home.

During our time there I labored again on the ball, on the toilet, in the shower, squatting and standing. Malcolm and Geoffrey beat a rhythm on my back like a drum "Twinkle come out, Twinkle come out!" They said over and over again. Malcolm got in the hot tub with me which was close to the end. I kept dilating but my water wasn't breaking so eventually, I had the midwife break it. Then there was a long pause with no contractions. Then such an intensity of pain all I knew was that I could not be still. I kept twisting my body every which way and the midwife, Erica and Geoffrey did all that they could to hold on to me. Finally, our baby was born at 7:10 in the morning. We all joke that I asked "Is it out?" My mother asked, "Is it a girl, and lifted up her legs to check?" and Malcolm asked "is she white?" Malcolm asked that because she was very pale at first. Still it was a very happy arrival.

Waiting for Twinkle

So today is Twinkle's due date, and it seems like there is a ton of anticipation in the community. I am restless waiting for this child that I feel like I have been waiting for for so long, far longer than the nine months that this one has been growing in my belly. I have been wanting a second child for a long time, but my longings were met with real comments from my husband that we were too poor, and that Malcolm was too young for another one. Both of those were probably true at the time, but when this little one started to grow and we were settled into a decent house, Malcolm was almost four, weaned, and starting to become independent and I was 36, I thought now is my shot. I am not letting anything in the way of having this baby. So I fought to get Medicaid since my insurance had just ended , settled into a new job, and continued my grad school application, but I felt better because I just felt our family would not be complete without one more.

Frankly, I am totally privileged to be able to make that choice at all when so many Black women before me could not. So I feel like I have fought like hell for this baby, and now I am waiting and waiting. Text messages are streaming in, facebook is lighting up, people from Colorado are calling my mother, and Malcolm keeps talking to my belly telling this baby to come out. There have been contractions for weeks, the mucus plug is gone, and still nothing. My water won't break. Geoffrey is being very African. He says, "Only in America do women expect birth to work according to the numbers on the calendar." But I want my baby, feel guilty for having time off to care for someone that does not want to arrive, am struggling to hold onto my belief in natural childbirth, and am increasingly tempted by the nurse midwives offer of pitocin.

I have told everyone to stop asking for status updates every fifteen minutes, and am really beginning to see that this child must be a girl because it behaves much more like me than its brother. Geoffrey was a month early. Malcolm was a week early. I was a month late (after three attempted inductions of pitocin, and the birth resulted in several longlasting complications).

Twinkle, dear one, we soo want to see you and behold you and know who you are. The community waiting for you is full of people from all around the world, the US, various parts of Africa, Russia, Latin America and more. We are mostly progressive and deeply committed to healing this messed up world which previous generations did not manage to put straight. WE desperately want to see you and shower you with love from your big brother, mama, baba, grandma, uncles, aunties and more. Please, please come soon! We are waiting, but we do know that you know your time more than any of us. I will try to honor your choice about when to arrive and wait in anticipation of hearing your voice. We all love you already. Our family is held up by so many hands that even if we fall a while I am sure that it shall be into an embrace. Please dear child come!

Rite of Passage: He is a Big Boy Now

Wow! this week was definitely about rites of passage for Malcolm, and for mama too. For a couple of weeks now I have been having Braxton hicks contractions so we expect our little Twinkle star to arrive any moment. In fact, I expected twinkle long before now since Malcolm arrived at 39 weeks, and my due date is in two days. However; one thing that we have all learned in this process is that Twinkle is not Malcolm.

So during this time, Grandma arrived, and Malcolm got to go to his promotion ceremony at Mountain Valley. This was a good experience for him, and I think that it was important for him to move on when the other big kids that he grew up with there moved on. After the ceremony, they had a pajama party at school, and he decided that he wanted to spend the night there with his friends. He had wanted to go last year but then backed out when he realized mama wouldn't be sleeping there too. This time he hardly gave me a second glance. I can tell that he had a great time.

While he was sleeping over, I lost my mucus plug (while watching "Capitalism: A Love Story" with all the adults in the family) and thought for sure that this was a sign that labor would start in the morning and we may have to pick up big brother early. "Maybe this means I am carrying a little activist? " I thought. No such luck however; because in the morning there was not much happening with my body except anticipation, and tiredness I kept sleeping.

So Malcolm came back home for a couple of hours and then was off to one of his best friend's birthday party. When Uncle Nathaniel picked him up around 4:00 he fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept until the next morning for about 15 hours all together!

After that, we had a mellow day and then Grandma and Malcolm conspired to get him a Big Boy Bed. We had been reading about big boy and big girl beds a lot in all the library books we got about having a new baby brother or sister. To my shock, Malcolm said that he would love to get a Big Boy Bed, and we were off to Ikea and he has been sleeping in it the last two days. I miss my baby boy. It seems like a lot of development jumps all at one time, but I guess that is how growing up is, and it really was like a rite of passage weekend. Reminds me of when the young men were kidnapped from the villages in Africa and taken off from their mothers homes to become men. Still he is only 4! But definitely not a baby anymore-so Twinkle come on I have milk and love and empty bed for you!

More Tulip Festival Pics

Malcolm also loved driving the old tractor and seeing some of the first steam trains at the Tulip Festival, but he wouldn't climb on the steam trains with the engineer. Maybe next year!

April and May Pics

This year we went to the Tulip Festival again, but we were only able to make it on the last day, and we weren't able to take any friends with us. We had fun anyway. The weather was beautiful and so were the tulips. Next year when we go we will have the baby with us too!

Malcolm's Choir Debut!

Some pictures from Chinese NEW Year

A Magic Boat

Here are some pictures of Malcolm making his magic boat. He loves Puff the Magic Dragon right now and wishes he could sail away and have wonderful adventures with Puff himself so we built a boat. I think that ours is at least as good as Jackie Paper's!

Malcolm's 4th Birthday part 2

Malcolm's 4th Birthday Party!

Malcolm's party was a lot of fun. We had a Chinese Lion dance, pinata, art, and a music jam session, and of course it was great fun to be with friends!

Malcolm's Christmas bike

All Malcolm wanted for Christmas was a bike, and he got it. I only wish he did not have to wait all the way until Christmas because then it was very cold for a bike ride, but he loves it. I did have feelings about the pink and purple streamers, but he likes sparkles so what can I say. Santa listens to what the children want-well mostly anyway.

Updates

Wow! I haven't blogged in months. I think that I am finally having some time to reflect on 2009, and wow what a whopper of a year. 2010 is also promising to be full of change, but I think that it is promising to be very exciting change. Malcolm will have a new sibling, and I may begin to take some graduate classes. It is all overwhelming. I have so many things to write about, but even though I am few weeks behind on this I want to make sure I get the lovely Christmas pageant pictures up then we can mover on to other things and I will try to catch up more soon. I should be sleeping, but my sleep schedule is crazy during this pregnancy so I will just roll with it.

This Little Light of Mine

Night Night Mama

We just put Malcolm to bed. There was nothing that out of the ordinary until we got to the end. He said, " I want to sleep in my bed." I said, "Ok" and prepared to crawl in his toddler bed with him to give him Mama's Milk. He said, "No, no mama's milk. I will see you in the morning mom." What happened? That was our last sacred time for mama's milk, and no cuddles? Just some stories, blankets, and a kiss goodnight? I don't know what to think of all this. It seems a lot for one night. At least I wanted my cuddles.

Malcolm the Firefighter

Grandma sent Malcolm this outlandishly big fire truck from Colorado. It was quite an adventure into the Industrial Area to get the fire truck, but I have to admit that it is pretty adorable, and it is metal and paint rather than plastic so I took these really cute photos of him.

Looking for Herons-Finally some photos

If you look really, really closely at the photo of the lake, you can faintly see one heron which was far away. Malcolm loves blue herons and for months I had planned on taking him to Smith and Bybee Lake which I read about in the Metro Parent in the Spring. I have to say that I was a little disappointed in the lake, and annoyed that in part of the lake you could hear the race track nearby, but Malcolm had a lot of fun and enjoyed the sheds for bird viewing. He liked pretending that they were houses he was living in. We did see many herons, and so it did not disappoint on that count. I think that I prefer Leach Botanical Garden though.

This Week

First, everyone should know that the camera was located, I just did not use it to take pictures this week. I mostly used my cell phone, and therefore I don't have much to post just yet. This week we had a lot of fun taking care of our friends that we nanny. It is amazing to hear all of the words and concepts and ideas that Malcolm already knows that I had no idea he knew. Tonight in the bathtub, he told me he was going to go somewhere in his private boat. I did not know that he understood that the word private can be used to show that something belongs to someone. Now that I am writing this I think that this idea must have come from the book "Where the Wild Things Are" we have been reading that a lot lately, and Max rides in a private boat just for him.

He also has been practicing breast feeding and bottle feeding dollies. We have been around a lot of babies lately, and he is really enjoying the opportunity to be nurturing. He has also been acting out books again including checking out library books like Ron in his book Ron's Big Mission.

At Nico's house Malcolm taught Nico how to have counseling sessions which he knows many people have, and what can I say his uncle is a co-counselor and his grandma is a therapist. He got his friend a chair. They both sat down in the chairs. Malcolm said in a sweet welcoming voice "Hi, how are you?" then they giggled and giggled and giggled and then he said " It was good to see you. See you next week. Bye." Then they ran around the room, and Malcolm asked his friend again "Do you want to have a session?" Then they did it all again. It was very cute. I was in the kitchen washing dishes, but periodically I would look over at them and he would say "No mama, we're not done with our session."

You know you are an Oregonian when...

Ok, first off I can not find my camera at the moment. It has been ss a week of losing things which happens when I am too stressed, and family life has been very stressful lately. I did take a very cute picture with my cell phone, but don't know how to get the pic from my phone to my computer so you all will have to wait a little bit for this photo. I usually try to be the really together mama on this blog, but this time I can't embellish it. I am a bit unorganized, but not totally. I am really get some areas of my life together.

Ok, back to being an Oregonian... You know you are an Oregonian when you want to make playdough with your son, and realize you are out of food coloring so you go to the park to pick Oregon grapes to dye your playdough. It was great. Huge mounds of beautiful purple dough. Luscious dough, wonderfully enough all the kids in the neighborhood want some. Even some of the kids that I pegged in earlier post as more hardened inner-city kids can't resist homemade projects, a little bit of attention, and Malcolm's smile. We tripled the recipe so we could give some to friends. Maybe next time we will multiple by six andalso take some to the Spanish Speaking kids up the street who we have been wanting to play with. Anyone know Spanish for Playdough?

Malcolm's Train Rides Part 4

MAlcolm's Train Rides Part 3