Still Growing

Malcolm is doing so many things that I am in just in awe. It is like an explosion of growth. He is so curious and explorative. He is crawling up a storm, but he really likes to stand up. Today at his baby playgroup he stood up, leaned on a crate and actually walked pushing it for three steps before falling down. I wanted to jump up and down and declare it a miracle, but no one really seemed to notice. Everyone thought it was very ordinary. It is funny to me how people think that all these things are normal and I am astonished as if seeing a magical act. The reality is that it is both ordinary and completely miraculous. How great it is in the midst of all life's stress that we can stop to notice these miracles.

The other thing is Malcolm is so interested in life that he seems to have forgotten all about the bliss of sleeping. He only took one nap the whole day, but then in the evening we want to visit some of our Kenyan friends. With all that Kiswahili swirling around and so many children playing Malcolm just could not stop.

When we came back he seemed to think that a whistle I found was the funniest thing in the world. He started making a funny sound that was like "att, att, att" and laughing. This is all very exciting, he just grows and grows and grows.

More pictures from the wedding in North Carolina

Here are more pictures of Malcolm with me in North Carolina. I was very budy playing the matron of honor role so Malcolm had many opportunities to make new friends. Thankfully, I have been with a really social child. That is helpful since he gets carted to so many meetings. Harry, who is in one of the pictures was one of the best men (there were two) and he really fell in love with Malcolm. He wanted to hold him all the time!

Strangely, I have no pictures of Lola (the bride) holding Malcolm. I am sure that on the day I was too afraid of the potential of drool or poop ending up on the wedding dress, but we could have captured the picture at other times.

I have been very busy lately and have not had a lot of time to write inspirationally. Anyone have any inspiration to share?

Life is Full

I have barely written this month. Life has been a whirlwind, and I don't really know where it has gone. My husband came back from Kenya, he had been gone for several months which was enough for me to appreciate the power of single mamas, and we began the work of settling into a new autumn for our little family.

Malcolm is growing like a weed, and pooping like a being with superhuman powers or maybe like a super-artist painting the house with poop and other bodily fluids. I have not weighed him since his six month check up but I think that my eight month old is speeding toward 30 lbs.

It has been 17 months since he started growing inside me, just one year and five months since this journey began with just a few cells. I never knew how much motherhood would change me. I knew that it would change me, but it has transformed my life in many ways that I never expected. I think that the biggest is that I have learned that I can't control everything. I am learning to be much more at peace with the imperfection of the world. It is much more fun to play than to try to control things anyway.

I have also been thinking about how to keep Malcom in touch with his lineage-he is half Kenyan after all. My husabd wants to document everything about who he is and where he comes from so he will be armed with his knowledge of self. I hope that this is enough. I still get shocked and defensive when adults have any reaction towards my son other than to love him. I seethe when I see them acknowledge white children and not him, but he does not need to see me explode I think. I think he just needs to see me keep our lights shining despite our challenges.

He is really working on walking right now and putting everything in his mouth. He is a quite a bit of work at the moment, but I feel like I am always falling in love with him. I just wish we could quitely cuddle more and take a breath all the action from time to time.

Malcolm and I in North Carolina

Here is a picture of Malcolm and I at my friend Lola's wedding in North Carolina. It was very green and beautiful there. I was the maid of honor, but next to the bride and groom Malcolm stole the show! More pictures and stories soon to come.

The Bread Thief Who Crawls in the Night

I have not had a lot of time to write recently. I have gotten a lot busier at work, and family life has become more demanding. I have been trying to get the camera fixed, but it now seems permanently broken. This is sad especially because Geoffrey is now back and I want to get pictures of him with the baby.

Malcolm is growing up a storm though. It is astonishing to watch him pull himself to standing. He is so interested in food also. We have given him a nickname in Swahili that means "Bread thief" because one night we were all eating a late night snack in our breadroom and Malcolm crawled over and snack a small piece of bread from my plate while I was looking elsewhere. Geoffrey thought I had given it to him, and when I told him I didn't he started call Malcolm "Bread thief."

He is still a little picky about food though-don't try to give this boy green beans!

The Perfect Manifestation of Motherhood

Well everyone, I have officially discovered the mama-o-sphere, that is the mama-oriented blogosphere and I am hooked. As much as I used to write these blogs in my most blissed out moments of motherhood (of which there are many actually) I find the more realistic, honest and sarcastic mama blogs a little comforting. This is because I somehow can not manage to fulfill my destiny as the perfect mama.

A week or so ago one of my friends said he was going to seek out a Superwoman outfit for me. Now I see what he had in mind. So let me share with you all what I am striving to be for my little Malcolm, and my husband, and the world.

• I want to be the mama that can somehow afford and manage to provide her little one with all the attention and love he needs with complete patience and understanding.
• I would like to keep us both on a 100% organic diet and not succumb to the temptation of the television when he is around and I am tired.
• I would love to clothe him in noncorporate, organic clothes with no obnoxious corporate logos.
• I would like to be more organized and more focused at work with no breast pump issues.
• I would like to be extremely effective with the campaign I am working on at work.
• I would like to be able to do all of the things on this list while keeping a clean house.
• I would like to be a better friend and more involved in my church
• I would like to be a great wife to my husband
• I would like to protect us all from being wounded by racism
• I would like to be able to accomplish all these things while looking stylish and tropical.
• Oh yea, did I mention fixing the schools in Portland before Malcolm is old enough for Kindergarten?

My mind knows that this unreasonable, but I keep trying because I just feel that is what my men deserve. I also see really put together mamas who look beautiful. Can anyone tell me their secret please?

By the way everyone, I have Uncle N working on the camera. Hopefully it will still recover from its trip to the ocean. Keep up all the commentary I love it.

malcolm at my birthday party

ok, so you all know that my birthday is in June, but Douglas just sent me this picture of malcolm at my party earlier this summer. Malcolm is awfully cute! Since, I have not had any luck fxing the camera yet, I thought I'd post it. Don't get confused, he's not getting any younger... but can I can that joy?

I remember feeling joy that pure and having it so easily at hand. What I wouldn't give to be as joyous and expressive as a baby!

Malcolm at 7 Months

Malcolm had a huge day today. He is finally collapsed on the floor in the living room sound asleep. First we went to church where it was Jazz Sunday so the whole worship service was musical. He fell asleep at one point during the service and then the singer hit a high note and Malcolm woke up and wondered what had happened.

After that we rushed to Uncle Curtis' birthday party in Piccolo Park where Malcolm got to play with other children and adults and of course have some time to watch leaves. There was just so much climbing, crawling, watching, laughing and eating to be done that he couldn't sleep. I took him for a walk and he finally fell asleep, but when others were cleaning up he woke up again- about 30 minutes of sleep only.

After that we went home briefly so I could pick up my bathing suit and go to a swim party that was organized by a group that Curtis belongs to. My little guy slept in the house and the car a little bit and then we were in a pool.

I have to say Malcolm really warmed up to swimming. He is a regular duckling. He astonished me with how ell he could kick and splash since this is only his second time in a pool. He even let me put him on a little floaty raft and drag him around. He tried to crawl on it-as if crawling on land wasn't hard enough my boy has to crawl, stand and walk on water-watch out world here comes Malcolm!

My mission this week is to see that the camera recovers from the beach trip. Malcolm's Daddy is coming back from Kenya next Saturday and it will be fun to be a complete family again.

The day that Malcolm crawled

Hello Everyone,
I have so much that I want to write right now, but it has been a long day. Still, it is worth noting that today-August 19th is the day that Malcolm crawled for the first time. It is also the day that he first discovered the piano and saw fish move in a tank.

To Musemoon...

Will that amazing mama who left that totally awesome comment on my blog please contact me? I tried to find your blog, but I haven't succeeded so far. Also, if you are in Portland can we do a playdate? I am totally thrilled that people I have never met are reading my blog and that we can all share thoughts about these great things. My political mothering stuff has had some pretty powerful results and I think it is wonderful. Malcolm is himself a little healer, and the amazing thing is that he doesn't need to do anything out of the ordinary to do his healing. Maybe we were all like that.

Well dear ones, I am far too tired to write anything understandable tonight, but I would love to find musemoon. Tomorrow perhaps you can hear about last week's mishaps including dropping the baby.

Here are some pictures of people who have been lovingly caring for Malcolm all summer. This is an incomplete representation because I do not have photographs of everyone, but it provides a sampling of all the people.

I should also note that there may be a temporary break in pictures. The camera did not like the beach as much as Malcolm did and I am having a hard time getting it to function properly again after its contact with wind and sand. Perhaps this is a job for Uncle Nathaniel?

To My Village

Several friends of mine have commented on my incredible child care arrangements-free child care with people that love and adore Malcolm and bring him into their families. Their comments are that this seems nothing short of miraculous especially in the midst of our capitalist, anti-family society.

My friend Anna Jean told me that I should write instructions on how to do this or just post it on the blog. So that is what this is all about. One thing that I have really noticed about having a child is that in many ways it is like being in love, but when you fall in love with a mate (or at least when I fall in love with a mate) it causes you to close out some other people for some time. The falling inlove part is really between the two of you. Falling in love with a child does just the opposite it causes me to bring people in. I noticed that everywhere I go people really want an excuse to come out of their shells and play for a while. Neighbors who usually go about their business without greeting others stop to smile at Malcolm, make all kinds of rediculous noises to make him laugh, and to tell me all about their children or grandchildren. It is really clear how much we all desperately want to connect with each other and young children seem to give us an excuse to do that. Malcolm is an especially good excuse because he is not a shy baby and he can almost always muster up a two-toothed grin for everyone.

So here is my recipe for making a village to raise your child.

1. Spend your life caring very, very deeply about children. Work hard to spend as much time with other people's children as you can. Volunteer at daycare centers, tutor kids. Be unafraid to be a child among children. Also be unafraid to be a community parent among kids.
2. Work in organizations advocating for children, and get to know other people that care about kids.
3. Do your best to be a good friend. Do all you can to serve your world and don't expect an equal trade from your efforts.
4. When you are pregnant or going through an adoption process figure out how to get support for yourself. Do not go insane every time you are around men as I did.
5. During your babymoon, give people a chance to come for short visits and get to know your baby and your new family dynamics.
6. Add in a good faith community.
7. When you are ready to start setting up your child care arrangements ask the people who are now most connected to your family, your values and your child and who have schedules that are complimentary to yours. Be direct. Most people will be honored for the opportunity.
8. Create shifts around all your needs.
9. Watch your child thrive in a community full of love and adoration and a variety of stimulating experiences.
10. Tell them all how precious they are.

One last tip, it is also helpful to do trades. I like to trade things that are things that I enjoy and that my friends may enjoy, but that we don't get to do very much. Massages for child care or Swahili lessons etc. The truth is that this method makes the whole world richer.

Camping-the sand, the wind, the sea, and the milk

Building Blocks of Development

World Breastfeeding Week

Well, ok, this blog is stating to get more and more political, but what did y'all expect anyway? I have after all been an activist since I was about six.

This week is World Breastfeeding Week and although I did not make it to any of the events around Portland, I thought that I would give a shout out to all the breastfeeding mamas out there.

The truth is that giving birth bust me wide open-literally, emotionally and spiritually. It caused all the parts of me to realign and reconnect in a totally different way and to see thigns from a different perspecitve-like an earthquake of the soul, and now people everywhere come up to me with the baby, smile and introduce themselves but they also all have opinions on my parenting.

I am not a blanket breastfeeding mama. I think subtly lifting my shirt is enough and the idea of needing to put any type of blanket on Malcolm and I in 90 degree heat is just rediculous. Besides at the stage he is now he would just grab it and pull it off and I am not going to spend our whole feeding trying to teach my little boy that women should be ashamed of their breasts. He certainly sees nothing but beautiful nurturance from my body and that should be the first thing he learns about women shouldn't-that he can be safe, nurtured and abundantly loved?

Nathaniel and I decide the solution should actually be to announce that I will be breastfeeding my baby just in case anyone wanted to be offended they could start early. This is Portland afterall though, the only time I had a problem was on the airplane. The stewardess literally threw a blanket on me and then kept walking so I couldn't say anything to her. Eventually though the blanket ended up in the floor just like everything else,

It's official!

It's official everyone. My bouncing baby boy is now 22 lbs and 8 oz and 28 1/4 inches! What a ham! I also can no longer leave him on my bed sleeping. He has become the one that goes thump in the night!

Just the two of us

All the Children of the World

In light of my last posting I thought I would add this picture before I really do go to bed...really.

A political bit about raising my beautiful black son

I have a zillion pictures to post and big dreams of doing them up in fancy configurations with all the new photo software that I now know how to use, but it is 9:00 and I am ready to go to bed. I think that I am coming down with something. So my ideas of grandeur will have to wait until tomorrow.

For now, I am going to write my first political piece of this blog. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

A couple of days ago I was innocently working away at my job trying to make things better for children in Portland. I was feeling very focused, hopeful, and productive. I was certain that I could put one foot in front of the other and carry my little family over all the obstacles that face us. It didn't matter that every time I turn on the radio all I hear is war, war, war and death. It didn't matter that drought, AIDS and poverty was ravaging the whole continent of Africa where my beloved husband and father to my child was born. I was doing a good job with one little child and with a job that was going to change things for children in Oregon, and I have done all I could for children in Kenya for many years.

So there I was in this meeting facilitating a discussion with a lot of people who are far, far more educated than I am but feeling quite self-confident despite being of course the poorest person in the room and the only person of color.

"So what are your concerns about children in Portland? " I ask. There is a long dialogue about the state of Jefferson High School and several other topics. I turn to another person. "You, have not spoken yet, what are your concerns?" "Well, the statistics are quite shocking." He says. "Only 1 in 4 African-Americans graduate from high school in Portland." I had never heard this statistic before so after I think successfully bluffing my way through the rest of the discussion I verified his source. It was true. I had heard this about certain schools, but not the city as a whole.

What about my beautiful little Kenyan-American child? I just wanted to rush back to him, put my arms around him and tell the world "You can't have him! He's mine! He's too perfect, too pure. He's too brilliant and he loves every one of you too darn much! You can't hurt him, can't crush him. He's mine."

Malcolm is doing so very well, and loves everyone and I am so very afraid of school. I expected him to be a girl which would have been easier. I can arm a young black girl for womanhood, but Black men in this country are so hurt and wounded and so often demeaned and imprisoned. I feel that I have brought someone wonderful into a place where he is doomed, and I just want to hug him and hold him and hope that war and racism and global warming will just go away while we are too busy watching the leaves or the sunset to notice that everything just got better.