To My Village

Several friends of mine have commented on my incredible child care arrangements-free child care with people that love and adore Malcolm and bring him into their families. Their comments are that this seems nothing short of miraculous especially in the midst of our capitalist, anti-family society.

My friend Anna Jean told me that I should write instructions on how to do this or just post it on the blog. So that is what this is all about. One thing that I have really noticed about having a child is that in many ways it is like being in love, but when you fall in love with a mate (or at least when I fall in love with a mate) it causes you to close out some other people for some time. The falling inlove part is really between the two of you. Falling in love with a child does just the opposite it causes me to bring people in. I noticed that everywhere I go people really want an excuse to come out of their shells and play for a while. Neighbors who usually go about their business without greeting others stop to smile at Malcolm, make all kinds of rediculous noises to make him laugh, and to tell me all about their children or grandchildren. It is really clear how much we all desperately want to connect with each other and young children seem to give us an excuse to do that. Malcolm is an especially good excuse because he is not a shy baby and he can almost always muster up a two-toothed grin for everyone.

So here is my recipe for making a village to raise your child.

1. Spend your life caring very, very deeply about children. Work hard to spend as much time with other people's children as you can. Volunteer at daycare centers, tutor kids. Be unafraid to be a child among children. Also be unafraid to be a community parent among kids.
2. Work in organizations advocating for children, and get to know other people that care about kids.
3. Do your best to be a good friend. Do all you can to serve your world and don't expect an equal trade from your efforts.
4. When you are pregnant or going through an adoption process figure out how to get support for yourself. Do not go insane every time you are around men as I did.
5. During your babymoon, give people a chance to come for short visits and get to know your baby and your new family dynamics.
6. Add in a good faith community.
7. When you are ready to start setting up your child care arrangements ask the people who are now most connected to your family, your values and your child and who have schedules that are complimentary to yours. Be direct. Most people will be honored for the opportunity.
8. Create shifts around all your needs.
9. Watch your child thrive in a community full of love and adoration and a variety of stimulating experiences.
10. Tell them all how precious they are.

One last tip, it is also helpful to do trades. I like to trade things that are things that I enjoy and that my friends may enjoy, but that we don't get to do very much. Massages for child care or Swahili lessons etc. The truth is that this method makes the whole world richer.