Baby Salome

Salome is so different from Malcolm, and the experience of raising her is so different. So much is going on in our lives now that looking back at my blog postings from Malcolm, I think that I need to take time to just check back in with my philosophies of mothering. I feel like all of us are really busying becoming ourselves right now, but Salome is with me nearly all the time. She still goes to work with me, she goes to daycare on campus while I am in class, and of course she is with us at home. She is a total blessing and a complex little being.

I definitely think that she is a thinker, a wise woman. She opens those big eyes and really watches people. She adores her big brother and breaks out a big smile the second that she sees him, and when we pick him up from school he makes her giggle all the way home.

She is really working on her crawl and getting too wiggly and active for me to take to the office on the days where there are no home visits so we are going to have reconstruct things in our lives a bit, but she is like a healing angel. Although one who does keep a creative sleep schedule!

Malcolm and Salome Go the ART Museum

I am sorry that I have written so little lately. I have had some technical glitches that unfortunately have not allowed me to download pictures for months. I have them all, just not on the computer. I think that I have almost gotten the problem worked out, I know which memory cards I need. Now I just need a little extra cash.

We took Malcolm and Salome to the Art Museum this weekend. They have a family day once a month for kids with lots of activities. This was Malcolm's first time and the theme was music. It was a big hit. Salome also did enjoy the peaceful atmosphere as she stared at all the people and colorful objects, but there were no naps to be had on her part.

I thought that the Native American exhibit was one of the most amazing things I had seen. I loved all the totems and carving of the tribes of the Pacific Northwest. Nathaniel and I really enjoying wandering that part together. By that time Malcolm had gone off with Curtis to hear the storytelling, and Grandma was covertly buying birthday presents in the Gift Shop.

It feels like we are finally settling into a new rhythm in our new home. A new year has begun, and a new term. I thankfully passed my Biostats class and am now enthralled with my International Health class. Baba Malcolm will soon return from a six week trip from Kenya to assist his ailing family members and I am sure some readjusting will need to be had again, but things are going better overall.

Salome is so close to crawling, and she is now eating sweet potatoes, baby cereal and avocado in addition to mama's milk. I am so in love with my baby, proud of my son and blessed to have my family. We are full of flaws, but I would not trade the fierce love of the people within these walls for the world!

The New Normal: Back to Work, Back to School

I saw that some of my friends were checking the blog, wanting to know how work is going, whether we are sleeping, and about all of our various transitions.

Well, they are transitions, and transitions for this mama are never too easy, but so far so good. The truth is that when it comes to babies I am truly blessed! Both of my babies have been pretty easy, wonderful little beings, and especially with co-sleeping pretty good sleepers. My honey-colored girl is a little bit harder than her brother in some ways, but seems like she will be a very mellow soul overall.

I have been taking Salome to work with me which I have been approved to do until she starts crawling. This has been wonderful! I was worried about it, and of course there have been some hiccups here and there, but overall it has been great. Meetings can be a little tricky, but if I am in my office or a home visit it is pretty easy to meet everyone's needs and get work done.

Women throughout the office often come to take a peek at her when they know she is around. The African women who are my co-workers in our department have really become her aunties. They were there at the Blessingway, and supported me throughout my pregnancy and now they will hold Salome in our meetings together and speak to her in Amharic or French. Salome glows at this, and seems to really respond to the Amharic.

I have been going on homevisits to meet new clients for a mothering group that I am starting for African women. It does not take much to be welcomed into these homes. I greet the women with a "As'salaam walaikem" and they respond and then ask about my baby. When they hear how young she is I often get a response that is something like "Oh, and you are already working. We must all struggle in this country. Sit down my sister." I tell them about our program and my ideas, and then ask them their stories. I learn about their struggles in their countries of origin and here. We hold each other's baby, and I offer them my support as needed. It is actually a lot of fun, and I think that my relationship with Salome has also grown through this. I am also happy at the early exposure she gets to African cultures. Malcolm got to hear the real singing and dancing of the women of Kisayani in my womb, and grow in the darkness as I responded to the traffic and crowded city life of Nairobi. Salome is growing now among whispered Amharic reassurances, Somali songs and smells, and with a whole hosts of aunties who welcome her into a global circle of women who struggle, and heal, and work and nurture, and cry, and feel oppressed, and sing, and love and laugh.

School has not started for me yet, but I have an orientation in Corvallis this week so Salome's wonderful Aunty Kerri is going down with me to help with the Empress. Malcolm's school is off to a great start. Mountain Valley prepared him well. He has had so many years of cultivating community and problem solving that he is doing quite well. He interacts quite confidently with the sixth graders he sees in the hallway, participates in circle time, and is surrounded in diversity. The comments about wanting to be white are starting to fade, and he is beginning to respond differently to discipline and re-direction around his hitting and acting out. This is good for everyone. I am happy about it and still seeking more outlets for more physical play, because unfortunate nothing could be as physical as MV with its wonderful rope, and climbing wall, and jumping mattress, but he rests at naptime and comes home happy. I am already making friends with the parents which seems easier because our family seems average at the school instead of the oddballs, and most people are in the neighborhood. Things are definitely different than they were, but I am looking forward to the adventure of the next three years. Now, wish me luck passing Biostastics!

We are off to life in the "New Normal."

Malcolm's First Day at Pre-K-A New Beginning

Yesterday was Malcolm's first day of Pre-K at Holy Redeemer. Wow! How different from Mountain Valley! I realized how odd it was to not be met by Susan or Isaiah and see him run off to play on a mattress, and I did think about the fact that I did not see a play kitchen or really any dress up in the new classroom they moved to, but there were so many other good things too.

I had planned to stay until 11:00 because the newsletter said that we could do that the first day, but by 9:30 Malcolm had a story time, done calendar with the other kids, discovered the art supplies, had a tour of the classroom, and was ready to go outside to recess and snack time. He was ready for me to go. I did question myself a little "Oh my gosh, this is a long way from our little progressive school" but was reassured by the diversity, the sense of a neighborhood school, the diverse teachers, the other parents who seem so cool, and the thriving and huge school garden that Holy Redeemer put in this year.

It was a lot to handle just getting out the door as I also had to prepare things so that someone could watch Salome and I could be with Malcolm. I came home early to find baby girl crying with Jessica , a friend from church who helps take care of her when I need it, but we both figured out that her milk was just not the right temperature. Part of me felt guilty that I wasn't panic stricken at being away from Salome while I helped Malcolm adjust, but I knew she was safe and being well-cared for and that this was a big step for Malcolm.

It was great getting home at 5:30 even after not rushing the pick up because Malcolm was so close to home, and since he slept (yes he actually napped!) he was in a better mood than previous pickups, and that gave us time to play and put off dinner a bit. A great start-umm I think.

Pictures from Salome's First Month

Yes, I know she is almost two months old and I am just posting pictures from the first month here, but you know it is challenging with two so you all will just have to forgive me.

The Illusion of the Fourth Trimester

Everywhere I go lately people say "What a tiny little baby! Is this your first outing?" They inevitably fail to notice the four and a half year old standing next to me, and because I began this sentence with the words "Everywhere I go" it should be clear that the answer is no, it is not her first outing. To be clear we have certainly had our days and our moments staring at each other on the bed. I have watched Salome gazing at the beautiful beads that were given to us at the Blessingway. We laid together on the sandy beach, recovering and nursing while Malcolm flew kites with Uncle Naniel or played with trucks with Daddy or Grandma, but it has not been the same as the sleep -in Babymoon that I had with Malcolm.

When Salome was born at the end, I felt my body totally ripped open. I still hurt and tense when thinking about that last part, which even though the midwife told me it was only about seven minutes of pushing, is just a blur of pain and the terrifying feeling that I couldn't do it and that my body was in control not me. It is odd to think of Salome coming into the world that way because she is such a mellow being, and when I look at her we are such reflections of each other. She even prefers to sleep in all the positions I had to put myself in in order to birth her. But it is also true that I do not have as much time to gaze and reflect upon her. I would love my truth to be the reality that all the people I greet think that I must be living.

My actual truth is that on the first week Geoffrey had time off, my mother was here, and it seems like Nathaniel was around a bit. People were good at coming by to drop off food and ooh and aah at the baby. Many of them stayed too long and rendered me exhausted, but community was in tact. It still was not sleeping in with the baby the way that I envisioned which involved rarely leaving our bed except to use the bathroom. People began insisting that I come downstairs to eat very early on, and once downstairs I was fully in the chaos of family life. And I was always concerned about Malcolm so with part of my attention on the baby, part on my first born and part on healing, I usually felt like I didn't have enough time in any department and felt I was doing a disservice to someone somewhere.

Also, I was totally unprepared for how much nursing Salome would hurt. The cramps with nursing the second time around are so much more intense. While I say that she is not as aggressive of a nurser as Malcolm, I may not have been as generous of a mama because with every feeding I was anticipating the cramping that would come and she wanted to feed always and randomly.

Now, the men are back to work and are rarely seen it seems. My mother has left and while Salome is not yet one month old she is going with me to drop Malcolm at pre-school or to WIC appointments or to his music and swim class and the grocery store because I am the mom and have to do those things. I really wish that I had all the support to let someone else run all the errands and stay home with the kiddos, but Malcolm does need to be out and about and frankly he works harder than anyone else in this house to help me with his sister. He changes diapers, sings to her, pushes her in the baby swing, cuddles her and covers her in kisses, and helps me give her her vitamins in the morning. He even interprets her cries for me!

I am very grateful for the meals and playdates that our community has provided. I just wish it didn't feel like it was ending quite yet. On the other hand maybe if I look like I have been home resting while I have been trying to run around and care for the two kids, myself, the cat and the three chickens then maybe I am keeping it all together.

Stay tuned for pictures. I really want to post pictures and birth announcements, but I think right now I am going to go have tea and cuddles while the boy is at school.

Salome Did Arrive

Well, we did wait and wait and wait for our little Twinkle to come, and she did at last on June 24th. It was a very spiritually timed moment. Our little Twinkle did turn out to be the little girl that everyone somehow expected. Somehow at some point or other the community collectively shifted from gender neutral terms and began to call her by girl pronouns. We all just sort of knew. Everything was so different from Malcolm.

We also know that if we had a girl she would be named after her grandmother Salome who so wanted to see Geoffrey and I have children, but did not quite make it. Our Salome was born exactly seven years after her grandmother's death to the exact day. Labor began on the first full moon after the summer solstice also. Apparently, many women went into labor that night as well.

There is so much that I want to say about the birth, and I will continue to write about it I think in many forms for a while. I am so grateful for my doula, Erica, who was such a powerhouse, and arrived looking fierce and Oshun-like with a bright orange tie-dyed shirt and her short maroon Afro. It was also amazing to have my whole family-especially Malcolm present the whole time. Sometimes I watched them through my contractions as if they were doing some sort of dance, and seeing how they all interacted and took care of their various needs-without me mostly which seemed curious to me.

I had started taking blue and black cohosh (the homeopathic not herbal versions) a couple of days before labor started. I had also been trying lots of other things especially long walks, Chinese food, and pineapple. Then we went about doing things that we needed to do that day, Wednesday the 23rd, we ran and errands and went to the library and then to my midwife's appointment. The midwife said that my uterus was so ready for labor that if I had been having contractions she would admit me to the hospital right then. She moved my membranes around a bit, and then we went to lunch Grandma, Malcolm and I. Malcolm said that he wanted eggs, and I wanted protein so we went to Village Inn. Salome, the last meal I ate before having you was at Village Inn although I did have some homemade chicken noodle soup later. The midwife's appointment was at 2:30, by 5:30 I was in labor.

I labored a long time on the birth ball at home. I went on a walk with Nathaniel. I listened to Sweet Honey in the Rock and a classical guitar CD that Susan gave me, and took many deep breaths and waited. Soon it was time to call Erica and Geoffrey who was working a few blocks away. We went out for a long walk with as many inclines as possible and that was when I noticed the full moon. The night was very silent, except for the occasional passing train, and as we walked through our little park on the hottest night of the year so far, it felt like a little forest or a small town sitting quietly in the night. Erica and Geoffrey held me up when we had to stop for contractions but kept encouraging me to push myself so that labor did not stall because it had so many times before and we wanted to see this child!

We went back to the house. Erica did Nia dances with me both on and off the ball. Geoffrey and Erica took turns walking me up and down the stairs. Mom gave me some broth of the chicken soup she had made that day. There was more music.

Eventually, at around 11:30, it was time to go to the hospital and Nathaniel scooped up Malcolm who was sleeping in his room and loaded him into the car. Malcolm came to on the way to the birth center. He sat in the car silently watching the lights of the cars and the buildings we passed by. We asked him if he knew where we are going, and he whispered "the birth center." He was quiet for the first couple of hours at the hospital but he said that he loved our apartment which was the labor room which had our own bathroom, music player, couch and many other amenities to make us feel at home.

During our time there I labored again on the ball, on the toilet, in the shower, squatting and standing. Malcolm and Geoffrey beat a rhythm on my back like a drum "Twinkle come out, Twinkle come out!" They said over and over again. Malcolm got in the hot tub with me which was close to the end. I kept dilating but my water wasn't breaking so eventually, I had the midwife break it. Then there was a long pause with no contractions. Then such an intensity of pain all I knew was that I could not be still. I kept twisting my body every which way and the midwife, Erica and Geoffrey did all that they could to hold on to me. Finally, our baby was born at 7:10 in the morning. We all joke that I asked "Is it out?" My mother asked, "Is it a girl, and lifted up her legs to check?" and Malcolm asked "is she white?" Malcolm asked that because she was very pale at first. Still it was a very happy arrival.