Life is Full

I have barely written this month. Life has been a whirlwind, and I don't really know where it has gone. My husband came back from Kenya, he had been gone for several months which was enough for me to appreciate the power of single mamas, and we began the work of settling into a new autumn for our little family.

Malcolm is growing like a weed, and pooping like a being with superhuman powers or maybe like a super-artist painting the house with poop and other bodily fluids. I have not weighed him since his six month check up but I think that my eight month old is speeding toward 30 lbs.

It has been 17 months since he started growing inside me, just one year and five months since this journey began with just a few cells. I never knew how much motherhood would change me. I knew that it would change me, but it has transformed my life in many ways that I never expected. I think that the biggest is that I have learned that I can't control everything. I am learning to be much more at peace with the imperfection of the world. It is much more fun to play than to try to control things anyway.

I have also been thinking about how to keep Malcom in touch with his lineage-he is half Kenyan after all. My husabd wants to document everything about who he is and where he comes from so he will be armed with his knowledge of self. I hope that this is enough. I still get shocked and defensive when adults have any reaction towards my son other than to love him. I seethe when I see them acknowledge white children and not him, but he does not need to see me explode I think. I think he just needs to see me keep our lights shining despite our challenges.

He is really working on walking right now and putting everything in his mouth. He is a quite a bit of work at the moment, but I feel like I am always falling in love with him. I just wish we could quitely cuddle more and take a breath all the action from time to time.